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Así estoy yo sin ti
*Así estoy yo sin ti, Joaquín Sabina. Lyrics and MP3 version.
One day I was given the news: Pavla is leaving us. Ever since, from time to time, I wonder...
From time to time I wonder what kind of physical side effects are left in us when our closest ones are gone. Until which extent our body is affected when it lacks the warmth of those who bring us life. Whatever it is, a tiny mark is carved in a remote part of us with no painkiller to ease this pain. I wish there would be one. Maybe the chemical composition of our tears help us calm this sensation, drop by drop, filling this empty space. And I am not speaking about the emptiness left by those who abandon us, for it can be refilled. I mean the missing piece left after tearing that bite of our soul, stolen by the one who goes away. Time heals nothing, the way I see it. You cannot replace that part of your life. Or it is just me that does not know how.
I also wonder at times who governs the winds of fortune. Who disposes chances in our lives and makes them look as lineal, logical, simple. What kind of wizard, god or demon set before us that fiver in the ground, that bracelet, that bar, that glove, that way and not the other, that door, that light, that shop, that hotel, that pharmacy. Whoever you are, I take my hat off to you, I look you in the eye with hatred, and I respect you.
I wonder too, of course, in many occasions, how many words, how many songs would I need to transmit what the ones who leave should take with them, in their deepest pocket of their luggage. How many kisses, how many smiles would suit the moment so that there would be nothing unsaid. Not a drop left in the inkstand. Squeezed to the last breath. No way, it cannot be done. Better not no think about it.
Sometimes I wonder how would it be if everyone stood still. This thought both disturbs me and makes me smile. Everything is given and everything is taken.
And sometimes, again sometimes, I wonder how would I be without you by my side. Now you know. This is the way I feel when you are not here.
Rafael
Muriel
Yélamos
"Lejanía" by María Cecilia Gutiérrez